


you know the greatest loves of all time are over now

by interludewings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Bokuto Koutarou Being Bokuto Koutarou, Break Up, Flashbacks, I Made Myself Cry, Im sorry about this, Inspired by Studio Ghibli, M/M, POV Akaashi Keiji, Post-Break Up, akaashi is very emotional, i literally dont know why i cried over this so much, i need help probably, kinda projected to akaashi halfway thru writing i am so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:07:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26478451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/interludewings/pseuds/interludewings
Summary: Akaashi froze in place, and his eyes tried their best to follow the 23 year old man across the street with the bus arriving. It wasn’t Akaashi’s bus, so he didn’t need to get on, and he prayed that maybe, possibly, it wasn’t Bokuto’s either.After what seemed like the longest one minute of Akaashi’s life, the bus left the station, and the man on the other side was gone.With the bus gone and the wind slowing down, Akaashi was supposed to finally hear his boss clearly on the phone.But all he could hear was ocean waves.Akaashi thought he saw Bokuto at the bus stop. He didn't though, so he went on to recall what had happened in Tokyo four years ago prior.Or alternatively, Akaashi heard ocean waves again.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18





	you know the greatest loves of all time are over now

**Author's Note:**

> fic title is from taylor swift's 'the 1' aka one of the best songs out of folklore...this was originally for haikyuu x taylor swift week but as u can see im literally a whole month late
> 
> anyways as much as this was heavily inspired by the song i also got really inspired by studio ghibli's movie 'ocean waves' !! it's a pretty boring movie but when you look at it from a different perspective it gets 1000x times better and gayer so check it out if you can :D i also didn't expect this to get long..but here we are
> 
> special thanks ofc to my literal life support [vio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neptunian/pseuds/neptunian) and [syd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranpoluvr/pseuds/ranpoluvr) for betareading and hyping me up all the time i seriously don't deserve the both of u wtf i love yall so much...no jams
> 
> i also made a playlist for this fic !! i used this to help me write and it was...an experience so [here!!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4OLW7JPc3IuymfsFPV3S9L?si=K_n3TFb7S_e-K8e-3Z2_0w)
> 
> thats all!! i hope u enjoy reading MWA

**2018**  
“What? I’m sorry I can't hear you clearly, it’s really windy today.” Keiji said into his phone, hoping his boss can hear him decently somehow with all the wind passing by.

It was always windy this time of the year in Saitama. Having lived there for over five years, Akaashi has gotten accustomed to its weather and beauty. It isn’t Tokyo, but it doesn’t have to be. Akaashi’s happy.

He heard his boss sigh on the other line. “We can discuss the rest later, but for now we really need to-“

As if God was playing a prank on Akaashi, the bus decided to arrive at the exact moment. Its wheels screeching on the pavement got louder as it grew closer, to the point that Akaashi just gave up on listening to his boss on the phone and contemplated if he should smash his phone on the concrete floor.

Akaashi stared blankly on the other side of the road with a few thoughts running on his head. Would his boss finally give him a raise with all the work he’s letting him go through? Is it just as windy in Tokyo?

As Akaashi was staring, a man with a black shirt and khaki pants appeared on the other side of the road, catching his attention. Not only were his khaki pants incredibly hideous, but he looked dangerously familiar.

Akaashi blinked his eyes a couple of times to see if he was just imagining things, but the man with the khaki pants and a red cap was still there, approximately 12 feet away from him.

Bokuto Koutarou was approximately 12 feet away from him, running towards the bus and getting on it at the opposite side.

Akaashi froze in place, and his eyes tried their best to follow the 23 year old man across the street with the bus arriving. It wasn’t Akaashi’s bus, so he didn’t need to get on, and he prayed that maybe, possibly, it wasn’t Bokuto’s either.

After what seemed like the longest one minute of Akaashi’s life, the bus left the station, and the man with the khaki pants on the other side was gone.

With the bus gone and the wind slowing down, Akaashi was supposed to finally hear his boss clearly on the phone.

But all he could hear was ocean waves.

—

  
**2012**

Akaashi always tried to be an optimistic person. He knew that there was the best case scenario, and the worst case scenario. He always tried to think of the most favorable outcome in every situation while ignoring the fact of it going downhill, whether it be volleyball matches or claw machine games.

To his dismay, his day in Osaka turned out to be one of the worst case scenarios possible.

“I’m sorry I dragged you all the way here,” Bokuto said, sitting down on the sand and bringing his knees close to him. “I knew it was a stupid idea.”

The stupid idea in question was the two of them heading over to Osaka right after practice instead of going home. Bokuto had a rough time during training as he barely hit any of Akaashi’s tosses. The third year was stressed with the fact that it was going to be his final year in Fukurodani, not to mention that everyone had high expectations that the boy would be able to lead them to first place at Nationals.

So what did Bokuto come up with to cheer himself up? An impromptu vacation.

They gladly roamed around the city, and went to different tourist attractions before spending the night in a cheap motel where there was no water and they awkwardly shared a bed for a couple of hours before Bokuto rolled himself over onto the floor, and Akaashi couldn’t wake him up no matter how hard he tried, and he was way too heavy to be carried back into the bed.

They were supposed to go back home the following day, but then Bokuto lost his wallet, and Akaashi barely had any money on him, so they just gave up on going back home for the day and stole some bread from a bakery then had it for breakfast and lunch.

They also got lost several times during the day, which resulted in them ending up in the Sennan district, which is on the outskirts of Osaka. They couldn’t find another airbnb to stay in for the night, so they ended up in Tokimeki Beach.

“It’s not stupid to me, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi gazed at the magnificent ocean in front of them. “I mean look at where we are now, I believe it was all worth it.”

“You think so?” Bokuto gave a weak smile and glanced at the ocean.

“Yeah.” He looked back at Bokuto. Akaashi was stupid enough to listen to him and go to Osaka with barely any money, food or clothes just to make him feel better, because he hasn’t been spiking Akaashi’s sets right for the past week. He did all that, just to make the ace feel better.

Or maybe because he had just the slightest crush for the loud ace of Fukurodani.

The world stopped that night, and it was as if the two of them were the only people in the world. As Bokuto and Akaashi stared at the ocean and the starry sky, the only sound being the calm, crashing waves.

“Okay but, please tell me you have an idea on how we could get back home.”

“I do, don’t worry.”

—

  
**2018**

“Who needs memories?”

It was a phrase Miya Osamu always said, to the point where it got practically drilled into Akaashi Keiji’s mind. It was a simple expression, just implying that the past was irrelevant, and the most important time in your life is the present.

Yet, Akaashi Keiji disagrees. Where did Osamu even get such a foolish quote? What kind of person doesn’t rely on memories?

Akaashi has tons of memories, whether he likes it or not. Be it happy or sad or even embarrassing, his brain never fails to remind him of his memories and what he had experienced before. It was as if his memories controlled his entire being. He hated it, but he’d never want to lose any of his memories.

Especially those with him.

“Hey, everything alright ‘Kashi?” Miya asked, sliding into the seat right in front of him with a plate of piping hot onigiri.

Akaashi raised an eyebrow at his best friend before eyeing the delicious food. “Are you sure you can sit here? You have customers to attend to.”

“It’s fine! I got Aran over today to help me out, and—" Miya waved his hand dismissively. “—that’s not what’s important right now. How come you look like you’re going through an existential crisis? Everything alright at work?”

Akaashi laughed softly. “It’s never alright at work, but that’s not what I was thinking about.”

“Wait, seriously?” Miya widened his eyebrows as he leaned forward.  
“ _The_ Akaashi Keiji is thinking about something else other than his job?”

“It’s not something, it’s someone.” Akaashi dropped his head down and muttered under his breath quietly.

Surprisingly, Miya had the ears of a bat and caught on. “Ah, it’s him again, isn’t it?”

“Well, who else could it be?” Akaashi sighed, grabbing one of the onigiris.

“God Akaashi, you really are something, huh?” Miya shook his head and held back a laugh. “How are you still thinking about him ‘til this day? It’s been 8 years since you’ve seen him!”

“I-I saw him the other day!” Akaashi stammered.

“What? Seriously?!” Miya’s jaw dropped. “Where? When? Did you go to Tokyo over the weekend or what?”

“I saw him when I was taking the bus home...I saw him cross the street and get on the bus.” Akaashi bit his lower lip.

“Are you sure it’s him? What on earth would he be doing here in Saitama?” Osamu asked.

“I don’t know, to buy something or visit someone?” Akaashi shrugged. “Or maybe I didn’t even see him at all..”

“Yeah, maybe you’ve gone crazy with the amount of time you spend typing away on your laptop.” Osamu snickered as he leaned closer to the charcoal haired boy and slapped him lightly on his arm. “When did you exactly see him?”

Akaashi took a sip from his coffee. “I guess Friday last week?”

Osamu stared at his onigiri for a moment before his mouth formed an O shape. “Sorry to bum you out man, but the MSBY Black Jackals had a game that day in Hyogo. So, that probably wasn’t Bokuto.”

The random indie music that was playing inside the restaurant suddenly became white noise, and Akaashi could feel a lump form in his throat.

“When will it get to your head,‘Kashi?” Osamu shook his head and popped the rest of the onigiri in his mouth. “ _Who needs memories?_ ”

Akaashi gulped as he pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. He really thought he had his life under control, and that he was enjoying his time in Saitama with his coworkers and Osamu with his teenage years in Tokyo casted aside, but that clearly wasn’t the case anymore.

Because Bokuto Koutarou was still on his mind, and he still thought he could’ve been the one.

—

  
**2012**

Bokuto-san, you’re gonna hurt yourself!” Akaashi called out to his senior who was running at lightning speed towards the gigantic koi pond that was planted right outside the restaurant they were in.

Fukurodani just won at the Semifinals in the Nationals, and their coach decided to treat them with some good food, but ever since they got there, the only thing that Bokuto ever talked about was the koi pond outside.

“I’m fine, Akaashi!” Bokuto shouted as he squatted in front of the pond. He stared in fascination as the koi swam around with each other, living in serenity.

“Don’t be so loud Bokuto-san, you’ll attract the attention of everyone in the restaurant.” Akaashi sighed, squatting beside him and biting back a smile. Bokuto was cute whenever he was excited, even if it would give him second hand embarrassment.

“I don’t care, it’s not my fault they’re being mean to the koi and ignoring them.” Bokuto pouted, eyes still fixated on the fish swimming around.

Akaashi giggled as he followed Bokuto’s eyes. There weren’t much koi in the pond, nor were they big, but they seemed to be happy.

“Ah, look Bokuto-san.” Akaashi pointed at a rusty old coin on the pond’s floor that a koi was trying to suck on. “I guess people can make wishes here.”

Bokuto gasped, his eyes searching the pond’s floor to confirm. “Oh, you’re right! Akaashi, do you have any coins on you?!”

“Well, I do.” Akaashi reached for his wallet that was in his jogging pants’ pocket. “Don’t you have any money on you, Bokuto-san?”

“I never do, you should know this by now.” Bokuto grinned as he reached his hand out with his palm facing up.

Akaashi shook his head in disappointment as he gave him a 100 yen coin. “You really need to start saving up, you’re going to college next year!”

“Then I’ll just wish to win the lotto! Oh wait no, I’ll wish to be able to appear in a show like _Who Wants To Be A Millionaire_ , so I can be both rich and famous!” Bokuto exclaimed, and Akaashi couldn’t help but chuckle.

Yeah, he truly has fallen head over heels for Fukurodani’s ace.

“Don’t waste my coin on a wish like that!” Akaashi scolded. “Wish for something better!”

“I will, I will, jeez!” Bokuto huffed, holding the coin in front of his face. “What are you going to wish for?”

Akaashi shrugged. “Maybe for us to win nationals?”

“That’s too boring, Akaashi!” Bokuto rolled his eyes. “Komi, the rest of the team and I’m sure even the guys from Karasuno and Nekoma are going to pray for that each hour. I’m sure the universe would get a hint from their prayers, so go wish for something personal! Something you really, _really_ want!”

Akaashi opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off with a sudden splash of water as Bokuto tossed his coin in the pond. The spiky grey haired boy then clasped his hands together and closed his eyes, making his wish.

Akaashi couldn't take his eyes off Bokuto the same way his spiker couldn’t take his eyes of the fish in the pond; full of wonder, as if all the answers in the universe were right in front of him.

_Something I really want, huh?_

He took a deep breath before tossing his coin into the pond and putting his hands in a position similar to Bokuto’s.

_You. I wish for you to be the one._

**—**

  
**2018**

“Did you ever expect your life to turn out like this?” Kozume Kenna, worldwide Internet sensation and multimillionaire, rested his feet on Akaashi’s coffee table.

“To have a video game streamer with millions of fans and no etiquette in my living room? Absolutely not.” Akaashi kicked his knees down before sitting next to the shorter one on the couch.

“Not like that, I mean if you expected to end up in Saitama as an editor with a cool apartment.” Kenma crossed his arms and let his body relax. “Like i never thought of becoming a famous streamer, nor did I expect Kuroo to still be included in my life, as my goddamn business partner out of all things.”

“Well, the only thing I knew was that I wasn’t gonna pursue volleyball anymore after high school.” Akaashi said, turning on the TV. “So I guess I somewhat expected an outcome like this? Oh, but I didn’t expect to be an editor for a manga magazine. Never in my life did I think I’d have to read _One Piece_ as part of my job.”

“Life loves throwing surprises, huh?” Kenma started flipping through channels. “I bet everyone else in high school turned out different than what they expected to be.”

Akaashi nodded as Kenma skipped some movie channels, and then ended up on the sports channel. It was playing a recorded volleyball match, and it only took a split second for Akaashi to figure out which teams were competing.

“MSBY Black Jackals versus Sendai Frogs?” Kenma slowly read what was on the side of the screen. “Oh, I haven’t watched this yet. Mind if we watch this for a few minutes?”

“Let’s watch the entire thing, I don’t care.” Akaashi pulled out his phone to avert his attention from the TV, because in reality, he did care.

Avoiding his volleyball matches became the norm for Akaashi. He would just scroll past any sort of news that was related to the MSBY Black Jackals’ outside hitter online, and if there was a volleyball match on TV he’d just switch the channel, unless Osamu forces him to watch a cool set that his twin brother did.

Ignoring him and his existence helped Akaashi get over their past, although it would be extremely difficult almost ninety five percent of the time. How could anyone ignore such a perfect volleyball player that could be playing in the Olympics soon? Let alone someone you used to set to?

“And it’s bounced onto floor! No libero could’ve ever received that!” The commentator on the TV’s voice boomed. “Another clean spike by MSBY’s number 4! Bokuto Koutarou!”

Akaashi’s hands grew cold at the sudden mention of his name, and without thinking, he looked up at the screen. There, standing in 4K, was a cheerful Bokuto Koutarou who was giving Hinata Shouyou a high five.

He looked the same as he did when they were in high school, only more muscular and undeniably louder. Akaashi hadn’t seen his face in months, but whenever he did, he’d get the same sudden pang in his chest, the same numbness on his fingers, and the same trail of thoughts.

What was Bokuto up to? What was his last meal? Was he getting enough rest? How are his parents? Was he still in contact with the others from Fukurodani? Was he seeing someone new? Finding people to date on the Internet?

Does his existence ever cross Bokuto's mind?

—

  
**2012**

“Akaashi, one more!” Bokuto smiled as he tossed another volleyball to him. They were the only two people left in the gym as the rest of the team already went home half an hour ago. Or at least, it felt like half an hour had gone by. According to the clock though, they spent an hour alone together. It was usual for them to stay after practice, and they did use their extra time wisely to practice.

“Bokuto-san, I don’t think we have any more time.” Akaashi pointed out the windows, where the sky was a warm shade of orange. “I’m sure your mom’s gonna nag again if you’re home late, so let’s call it a day already.”

“Woah, I didn’t even notice it was already sunset!” Bokuto laughed as he walked closer to see the sky. “Well, you’re right. I also don’t want you to stay so long with me, your parents might get mad too.”

“My parents would never get mad at me for hanging out with you, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi assured, throwing the volleyball to the huge pile of other volleyballs. “They like your personality.”

“Oh right, I had dinner with them a month ago!” Bokuto replied loudly, stretching out his arms, and Akaashi turned around so his eyes won’t wander over to his friend’s intriguing biceps. He felt his face get a little hot.

Akaashi cleared his throat as he walked over to their duffel bags. “Y-yeah, now let’s go get changed already.”

Bokuto laughed wholeheartedly as he caught up to the second year. He put an arm around Akaashi’s shoulder as they exited the gym and blabbered about his math assignment that was due the next day.

Akaashi smiled. Each day, his love for the ace was growing bigger and bigger, so much that he felt like his heart was gonna explode any second. As much as how agonizing it was to have a crush, Akaashi didn’t mind it. He found comfort in Bokuto, and sometimes it would feel as if the world was perfect whenever he was with him.

After the two of them changed out of their practice jerseys, they walked out of their school gates and headed toward the train station, all while talking about the new kind of strategies they wanted to try out in their next matches.

That was another thing Akaashi really liked about them, that they were both compatible as friends and as a setter and hitter. Even if they perform better together, they balance each other just enough that they can both shine individually as well.

“Do you think they’ll still sell those cool shirts in Nationals? I wanna get ten more of those ‘Wisdom of the Ace’ shirts!” Bokuto exclaimed as the two of them sat down next to each other on the subway.

“You should buy twenty just to be sure.” Akaashi said, crossing his legs.

“I’ll buy a shirt for you too! Then we can have matching shirts!” Bokuto smiled, eyes twinkling as he glanced at Akaashi.

Akaashi froze and stared at him with wide eyes. “We don’t need that.”

Bokuto looked hurt. “Of course we do! You’re my partner!”

Akaashi felt his cheeks and ears warming up, so he quickly turned his head the other way, hoping Bokuto didn’t notice the tint of pink on his face. “W-we’re not partners like that, Bokuto-san!”

Bokuto paused for a moment, his face becoming neutral. Akaashi faced him again once he realized that the third year was taking too long to reply. He took a deep breath, preparing himself to say that he was just joking, and that Bokuto shouldn’t think too deep about it.

“Boku-“

“Then…” Bokuto quickly interrupted him, and unexpectedly, his face lit up once again.“Why don’t we just become those kinds of partners?!”

Akaashi’s jaw dropped. Was the captain and ace of Fukurodani actually stupid?

“Y-you know, like seriously.” Bokuto continued, his large, obnoxious smile became a small, soft one. He tilted his head down and stared at his duffel bag in his lap. “I mean...we can try..if you want to or something. We’ve always been alone together for more than a year now, and I-I guess there are times where I thought of you as more than a friend..like…more than a bro...more than a dude...more than a-“

Akaashi sighed and slapped his hand over Bokuto’s mouth. “I understand what you’re saying, so don’t try to use too much of your brain right now, you still have to do your math homework.”

Akaashi could feel Bokuto grin against his palm and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Whhatsh so fhunny?” Bokuto’s muffled voice asked as his mouth was still covered.

“Out of all the ways I thought of you to confess or ask me out, I never expected it to be like this.” The second year shook his head and removed his hand from Bokuto’s mouth.

“Well, I am an unpredictable ace after all!” Bokuto chuckled, putting an arm around Akaashi again.

Akaashi could hear it again. The ocean waves that night in Osaka, along with Bokuto’s hearty laugh and wonderful smile. Where the world was stagnant again, with them being the only people to exist.

“For our first date,” Akaashi lowered his voice to almost that of a whisper. “Where do you wanna run off to?”

Bokuto knit his eyebrows together for a moment before realizing what Akaashi was talking about, and then became wide eyed. “Well, Japan’s a big country. I’m sure we can run off to anywhere with no money and still have fun.” He turned his head and properly looked at Akaashi in the eye. “As long as we’re together, I’m sure we’ll have fun!”

Akaashi felt his face grow hot again, but this time he didn’t care, and instead rested his head on his companion’s shoulder. “Yeah, we’ll have fun.”

—

Akaashi always wondered how the fish at the koi pond were doing. Were they aware of their supernatural powers of granting wishes? Did the restaurant owners know that? Were they being fed with magic powder to grant people’s wishes?

It had been six months since Bokuto asked Akaashi out on that quiet Tokyo subway train, and it had also been the best six months of Akaashi’s life.

The two of them tried to keep their relationship a secret at first, but it all failed in just two days when Bokuto accidentally sent _Good morning, my Akaashi ( ´ ▽ ` )_ to the team’s group chat. Since that day, the whole team would tease about them nonstop, and grimace whenever they see Bokuto shamelessly flirt in public.

Akaashi always cared about what other people thought of him, and always remained calm with a neutral face, although when he’s with Bokuto, he forgets about everyone and finds himself smiling more than usual.

Their first date was a quick getaway to Kyoto (without their parents’ permission once again, but luckily they had money this time) and more travels ensued quickly after that. Even with all the places they visited though, for Akaashi none of them compared to their Osaka visit.

Even when the duo were deep in the cities of Japan, he’d still hear those ocean waves. Those calm, refreshing waves that would play whenever he stared at Bokuto, and that sound would never fail to make him feel as if he was floating. Bokuto would always catch him smiling to himself, and Akaashi would just explain that he remembered something funny.

Of course, their relationship didn’t get in the way of their training in any way. The entire team was determined on winning nationals that year, especially Bokuto and the other third years, as it was their final year in high school after all.

Sadly, life can be unfair sometimes. That’s what Akaashi learned as he heard the loud blare sound off in their final nationals game and the big digital scoreboard in front of him read numbers that meant Fukurodani lost.

The team was in shambles that night, crying to their heart’s content when their coach treated them for dinner. The most emotional out of everyone was unsurprisingly Bokuto, who clung unto Akaashi the whole night and sobbed in his tracksuit, apologizing for not being the perfect ace.

Akaashi kissed his forehead as tears rolled down his cheeks as well. “You’ll always be a star in my eyes.”

Bokuto held onto him tighter, then Washio decided to join in, until the whole team was in a big group hug, and they all yelled out their frustrations.

Nonetheless, you can’t turn back time. The third years bid their farewell to the team, and started focusing on their final exams and college applications while the second years trained with the first years even harder, promising to redeem themselves in the next year.

Bokuto applied to universities nearby so that he could stay close to his family and obviously, his boyfriend. Akaashi didn’t like that very much, and tried to persuade him to accept the offers he got from pro volleyball teams or much better universities for the betterment of his future.

Bokuto was persistent in just staying with his parents and going to a nearby university, that is until he received a phone call from Waseda University, offering him a full sports scholarship for four years straight as long as he kept his performance and grades up. He was close to declining the offer over the phone, but Akaashi quickly took his phone away from him and told the kind admissions lady on the other line that he’d get back to her.

After multiple pep talks from his parents, Akaashi, and his fellow peers, Bokuto accepted the scholarship offer.

Before they knew it, it was the third years’ graduation. Even though Akaashi knew he would still be in contact with a majority of the third years (especially Bokuto) he couldn’t help but get emotional. For the past two years, his seniors have given him nothing but support and admiration. He knew the gym wouldn’t be the same anymore without them.

“Don’t be so sad, Keiji!” Bokuto hit his boyfriend on the shoulder with his diploma as they exited the school building. “We’ll all still see each other often! I assure you we’ll have reunions every week!”

”A reunion every week would be impossible, dumbass.” It was now Konoha’s turn to use his diploma as a weapon on Bokuto. “Reunions like twice a year would be more possible.”

“Yeah! That’s why you should cheer up, Akaashi!” Sarukui said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“For now, we’ll be leaving the team in your hands, Akaashi-san.” Yukie, their manager, smiled at them. “We know you’ll do a great job.”

Akaashi slowly nodded, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. “O-okay.”

“God, I can’t believe I’ve spent two years being your manager and the only time I ever saw you express any kind of emotion was during my graduation.” The other manager, Kaori shook her head, which led to the rest of the team roaring in laughter.

The third years decided to invite everyone, including the rest of the members of their team, to lunch the following day. They decided to keep a promise, that no matter what, they’ll have a reunion lunch similar to that, whether it be in a month, a year, or a decade.

—

  
**2013**

Akaashi started his third year of high school with a positive mindset. He worked extra hard in his classes and trained even harder during practice. His goal was to win nationals that year, so that he can show his seniors that they had taught him right and to the rest of the world that he can be an amazing captain.

Volleyball wasn’t the same anymore without his insanely loud yet talented wing spiker. Of course setting to other players was no problem whatsoever, but whenever he set to Bokuto things would just be so much more... _thrilling_.

Bokuto Koutarou truly was a star. A bright, shining star that illuminated on the court. It bothered Akaashi that Bokuto was then shining in an entirely different court, one that was an hour drive away from him.

Nevertheless, he would still video call his boyfriend every night, and things would become normal again. It became a routine for them: Akaashi would call him, then Bokuto would start by talking about his day and how his new teammates were like (apparently some of them would tease Bokuto about his hair), or how much his teammates liked him already and wanted to play at all practice matches, then it’ll follow with Akaashi talking about his day, then the next three to five hours would just be them talking about everything else.

The silver haired boy was able to come back every other weekend, and Akaashi would usually be the one to pick him up from the train station or bus stop, then they’d get dinner together and if they wouldn’t be busy, they'd spend their Saturdays together too.

Bokuto became his motivation, and he was sure he had the same effect on his boyfriend as well. Things went by smoothly, and in no time it was the Interhigh National Tournament. In the previous year, Fukurodani had only got into the quarterfinals, and even if it was impossible, Akaashi wanted to try out winning every single tournament that year.

Akaashi guided his team throughout each match, and made a number of flawless sets that got them enough points to win the quarterfinals, which led them to the semifinals, and miraculously also got them a spot at the finals.

Bokuto made sure to send almost a thousand positive messages to the younger, along with very cheerful gifs and emoticons. It really did help brighten up Akaashi’s mood, to the point that he would smile in the middle of conversations with the team, which would frighten most of the first years.

An average volleyball match would usually last one to two hours, but it only felt like five whole minutes to Akaashi. One second he was doing his first set in the game, and the next he was hugging his teammates with sweaty arms while yelling at the top of his lungs.

They had won first place. Akaashi’s very first tournament as a captain, and they got to win first place. The charcoal haired boy wasted no time and immediately messaged his group chat with the graduated third years right after he changed his clothes. The first to reply was Yukie who typed a keyboard smash, and everyone quickly followed suit.

Akaashi stared at all the new messages that were popping up in the groupchat, waiting for a yakiniku avatar to show up on his screen, but it never did. He shrugged it off though, and figured that the other was probably still at his own training.

After the match, the coach treated them once again for a meal, and they all ate to their heart’s content. Akaashi made sure to give extra food to his underclassmen, especially the first years, and told them all of how proud he was of them.

He wasn’t really sure if he was doing the whole captain thing correctly, but with the advice he got from Kuroo and Bokuto, he turned out pretty well.

In between spoonfuls of meat, Akaashi would check his phone to see if his boyfriend had replied in the groupchat yet. After a while, Akaashi decided to message him the good news privately, along with an extra message that read _Is everything alright?_.

The bus ride back to Fukurodani was loud and cheerful, but Akaashi couldn’t match up to everyone’s energies as he was too busy anxiously refreshing his messaging app, hoping to get a reply from his boyfriend. Countless questions started to fill up Akaashi’s head as the seconds went by. Did something bad happen? Was his phone broken?

Just as the bus’ wheels screeched against the cement road right in front of Fukurodani Academy, Akaashi’s phone finally made a sound. To his surprise, it wasn’t a notification for a text but rather a phone call.

“Hello? Koutarou?” Akaashi said as he stepped out of the bus and walked over to the side to let everyone else get down.

“Keiji!” Bokuto’s usual loud voice blared into his ear, and usually it would make Akaashi feel comfort, but in that moment it was the total opposite.

“Koutarou, you sound a little tired.” Akaashi’s eyebrows creased. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“N-no nothing happened! Everything’s fine!” Bokuto chuckled, which only made Akaashi worry even more. “I saw the news that you guys won! See, what did I tell you Keiji? You’re Fukurodani’s greatest captain yet! Let’s celebrate next weekend when I get to go back!”

“Sure that sounds nice, but are you sure you’re okay?” Akaashi was so tempted to just ram his hand against his phone and see if he could teleport to him.

“Yes, I’m fine! I just decided to practice a little longer than usual, and I left my phone on silent and inside my bag.” Bokuto explained. “Really, you don’t need to worry about me, Keiji! Don’t suddenly get into a sour mood, you should be overflowing with happiness for the next couple of weeks.”

Akaashi bit his lower lip. He could sense that there was more to the story, but since Bokuto obviously didn’t want to expand on anything else, he decided it’d be best to let go of the topic. “Yeah okay, you’re right. Be sure to rest well okay? We don’t need to video call later tonight if you’re tired from training so much.”

“No, I always have energy to video call with you! So call me, okay!” Bokuto exclaimed.

Akaashi held back a sigh. “I will, don’t worry.”

“Okay, then I’ll go for now. Later, Keiji! I love you!”

—

Little did Akaashi know that, that one phone call during the night will be the downfall of it all. Bokuto acted as if nothing happened the next day, and they still celebrated the tournament win the following weekend after that, so Akaashi thought that was the end of it, but of course it wasn’t.

The setter started to notice how less talkative Bokuto was becoming, and he’d especially become quiet when asked about his training in volleyball. Their video calls also progressively got shorter and shorter, with the reasons being either Bokuto was too tired from training or they had nothing else to talk about.

Thankfully, they still called each other every night and got to meet during weekends despite their busy schedules like usual thankfully, but there would be times where they’d just sit in silence. Awkward silence to be more specific, which is Akaashi’s most hated kind of silence.

Akaashi didn’t want to pry too much on what he was going through, because he knew Bokuto must’ve had a good reason for not telling him, so all he’d ask for was for Bokuto to take care of himself and prioritize his well being.

As time went on, the two of them found less and less time to text each other during the day, especially when exam season came for Akaashi along with volleyball season for Bokuto. They had a silent mutual agreement that the two had to focus on their own selves for a while, but they still made their nightly video calls a regular thing, even if it’d only last for thirty minutes or so.

Akaashi had no problem with it, and he went on to having sleepless nights that were filled with studying, game planning, and random 2000s songs that he liked listening to, because he knew that once his exams were over, things would gradually go back to how they were, which meant and It all paid off in the end as he predicted, as he aced his midterms and became the top sixth person in his entire year.

He texted his boyfriend the news the minute he got home, but he wasn’t expecting a reply until later in the late evening, since that’s when Bokuto would get to use his phone again after practice.

He stayed up until three am that night, and there was still no reply. He woke up the next morning at ten am and checked his phone the minute his eyes shot open, but there was still nothing from the university student. For his last try, Akaashi decided to call him, twenty times in a row to be precise, but each call went to voicemail, and that was when Akaashi confirmed that something was definitely wrong.

It was a Saturday, but Bokuto said he wasn’t going to go back home that weekend, so the setter went on to call his parents to see if they had heard from their son recently, but they said no. He called Kuroo next, hoping that maybe he visited Bokuto last night at his dorm and they simply just got insanely drunk, however Kuroo answered that he was all the way at Hyogo for a training camp. Akaashi tried to brainstorm more people he could call, and he figured out that his boyfriend’s university friends would be the right people to call for the situation.

Then, he realized that Bokuto never talked about his friends at university. He would mention certain people in his class or some teammates that made him laugh, but he’d provide no name whatsoever. When this all finally sunk in, it felt like a black hole had formed in Akaashi’s stomach, sucking his entire soul out.

The day went by slowly, with Akaashi too anxious to do anything else but refresh his phone and spam his boyfriend. His entire body was becoming a puddle as he felt too sluggish to even move his thumbs on his phone.

Unexpectedly, his phone rang with Bokuto’s mother’s name popping up on his screen.

“Hello? Yes?” Akaashi put his phone next to his ear and gripped it tight, although the sensation he felt was like he was grabbing someone by the collar with eagerness.

“Akaashi-kun, we just called Koutarou’s dormitory.” Her soft voice spoke out. It baffled Akaashi that her son had the entire opposite kind of voice.

“What did they say? Is Koutarou alright?” Akaashi was on the edge of his seat.

“Don’t worry, he’s just fine.” And with that, the black hole that was forming in Akaashi’s stomach immediately disappeared.

“He is? T-thank god.” Akaashi’s voice shook as he massaged his eyebrows.

“Mhm, apparently the reason why you can’t get in touch with him is because he broke his phone.” She explained, and suddenly Akaashi thought that his head would look perfect when rammed against a wall.

“Oh,” Akaashi breathed. “Well, at least he’s okay and it wasn’t anything serious. Will he get it fixed today? Or tomorrow?”

“He said he doesn’t know when he’ll get it fixed, but he told me to tell you that he’s okay, and he hoped that you did well in your exams.” Mrs Bokuto said softly and slowly, which helped Akaashi calm his nerves a little quicker.

“If ever you get the chance to call his dorm again, can you please tell him-“ Akaashi stopped himself from the chaos of saying ‘I love him’, and in a split second thought of something else. “To take care of himself.”

“I will.” She replied, and he could imagine the smile she was probably doing, one that was similar to his boyfriend’s.

Akaashi found himself smiling over it. “Thank you.”

His dilemma ended just like that, thanks to a phone call that was less than a minute long. Now, all he had to do was wait for Bokuto to fix his phone, then things would go back to how they were in the beginning of his school year.

Right?

—

Wrong.

The weekend passed by without a word from Akaashi’s boyfriend. He called Mrs. Bokuto again two days later, and it seemed that her son can’t get his phone fixed.

The thing that bothered Akaashi wasn’t about how he isn’t spending quality time with Koutarou, instead he was worried about how he won’t have a phone to call anyone in case of an emergency. Sure, the dormitory phone could always be used, but what if there was a fire in his room and he wouldn’t be able to get out to make a call?

That was probably too big of a stretch to an extent, even to Akaashi, but he was nipping his fingernails constantly over the thought of the reckless and clumsy Bokuto Koutarou going around without a smartphone. Why wouldn’t he get it fixed? Was he that busy with volleyball?

Meanwhile, volleyball for Akaashi the following week was his worst experience yet. He had started to flunk big time in his sets because of how preoccupied he was over the entire phone thing. He wasn’t matching both the timing and the distance, and each toss felt like he was throwing a large, stubborn boulder under his fingertips, with each touch crushing more of him.

“Akaashi, remember to take it easy.” Coach Yamiji told him as he took a water break. “I know you well enough to see that you’re stressing over something, which is why you aren’t playing your best.”

Akaashi nodded eagerly and did a slight bow. “I truly do apologize for my performance these past few days, sir.”

“If you really are apologetic, then you should do your best to solve whatever problem it is that you have and start playing normally again.” Coach Yamiji shook his head before walking away. “If you really love volleyball, then you’d do anything for it.

—

Akaashi took his coach’s words to heart, which led him to search phone repair shops near Waseda and common damages to a phone on Google the minute he got home from practice. The only thing he was sure of was that Koutarou had a three year old smartphone, and would usually complain about his storage always being full.

He decided to call his senior’s mother again and ask if there was any update about his phone getting fixed, but there were still none.

“What kind of idiot doesn’t get their phone fixed even after it’s been broken and unusable for five straight days?” Akaashi muttered under his breath as their phone call ended.

It looked like he was out of options, but his coach’s words rang in his head, so he took it up a notch.

He went ahead and changed out of his home clothes, grabbed his wallet and phone, then told his mom he’d just go out to buy something from the convenience store.

Akaashi never liked lying to his parents, mostly because he was afraid of the consequences of being found out, but ever since he met Bokuto, he found himself comfortably lying to them more times than he can count on his fingers.

After he waved goodbye to his parents on the dinner table, he quickly made a run for the train station.

—

Shinjuku City was loud and bustling, despite it being a weekday. The crowd in the street was a mixture of different people with contrasting personalities, as some were obviously residents walking back from work and some were tourists, taking in all the beautiful city lights.

Akaashi would’ve loved to do the same, but instead he was speed walking and staring at his phone as he looked at the directions to get to Waseda University.

The train station was quite near, so he had no trouble finally getting to the campus’ main entrance. Akaashi never believed in miracles, but he thought that the universe was on his side that night as the security guard didn’t ask him for a student or ID, and even though it was pretty late into the night already, there were still a handful of students roaming around, which led to Akaashi asking a few of them for directions to where the university’s volleyball team would practice.

The arena where they practiced was identical to the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium where Nationals were held. It was much bigger than the one in Fukurodani, but the same unparalleled scent of sweat and determination alongside the screeching of rubber shoes and slam of the volleyballs on the hard polished wood was still there, and it made Akaashi feel warm.

Without hesitation, the seventeen year old slowly opened the arena’s huge doors, hoping not to attract anyone’s attention. Inside, there was a practice match between two teams and they were all wearing the usual colored practice jerseys.

Akaashi’s eyes roamed around, searching for the spikey grey haired freshman in the twelve players that were on the court. To his surprise, he wasn’t there. Akaashi examined the court once again, but he was still nowhere in sight. Finally, he spotted bright yellow eyes standing at the side of the court, amongst other players who weren’t in the match. It was a strange sight to see, knowing how much Koutarou would brag about how much he got to play. Maybe he got switched out just for a while?

Akaashi stayed practically invisible to everyone since they were all too invested in the practice match. It seemed to be the last set, and everyone was on edge. Finally, one of the team’s does a smooth and deceptive setter dump that even got Akaashi bewildered. The players with Bokuto cheered and celebrated, meaning it was his team that won. Akaashi cheered on quietly for them, proud knowing that his boyfriend most likely participated in the beginning of the match.

The two teams bowed and shook hands as their coaches talked. Akaashi noticed that Bokuto wasn’t talking with anyone, or rather no one was talking to him. It was almost like he wasn’t even in the room.

Finally, they all filed out the arena, with the other team going home and the Waseda team heading to their locker room.

“You coming, Bokuto?” A tall and muscular brunet player walked towards the freshman with a warm smile, and Akaashi knew right away that he was the team’s captain.

“I-I’ll be practicing again.” Bokuto replied, averting his gaze to the volleyball in his hand.

“I knew you were gonna say that.” He sighed and patted Bokuto’s shoulder. “Do your best and keep practicing, then you’ll get to play.”

Bokuto slowly nodded, and Akaashi found himself with his jaw dropped. Bokuto hadn’t been playing? Since when? Why wasn’t he playing in any of the matches? Is this why he wasn't acting like himself lately?

The captain walked away, quickly trailing behind the rest of the team that was heading out, leaving Bokuto alone in the large arena.

Akaashi took a deep breath. “You want me to set for you?”

Bokuto froze for a second before turning around with wide eyes like an owl’s. “W-what the hell?!”

“Hey, sorry for surprising you like this.” Akaashi nervously laughed and rubbed his nape as he walked closer to Bokuto.

To Akaashi’s dismay, Bokuto took a step back. “Akaashi, what are you doing here?”

“I-I was worried about you!” Akaashi tried his best to form a smile on his lips, one that can calm Bokuto down. “It’s been five days since you broke your phone, and you still haven't gotten it fixed. And well, I also missed you…”

Akaashi expected Bokuto to have a big grin on his face, maybe hug him real tight before intertwining hands with him and walking out of the gym together, but instead, his boyfriend avoided eye contact and pressed his lips into a straight line.

Akaashi took a deep breath. “Koutarou? Are you not feeling well? You’re tired from your match, right? I’ll drop you off at your dorm while I take your phone to a repair shop-“

“My phone-” Bokuto gulped before finally looking up to him. “My phone was never broken.”

Akaashi’s heart dropped to his stomach, and suddenly, the shine of the wooden floors seemed shinier, the lights in the gym felt a little brighter and Bokuto seemed a little farther from him, even though he didn’t move an inch. “W-what are you saying?! Your parents called you and you said-“

“I lied to them, obviously.” Bokuto rubbed the back of his neck. “My phone’s perfectly fine…”

“Then why did you lie…?”

“I-I needed to focus on volleyball.” He exhaled.

Akaashi pushed his hair back with his fingers and licked his lips. “I know you love volleyball, but don’t you think lying to me and your parents was a bit too much? You don’t have to be so hard on yourself, Koutarou.”

“You don’t understand. You really don’t understand, Akaashi.” Bokuto stared at the floor again, and Akaashi’s heartbeat pounded louder in his ears with the usage of his last name instead of his first.

”What’s there to not understand?!” Akaashi raised his voice, which was something never done before, especially to Bokuto. “Because from what I know, you’re the greatest ace! You were our captain! Didn’t you say your team liked you and you always played in games?!”

“I was lying about that too!” Bokuto exclaimed, having trouble with his breathing. “The truth is, everyone here is better than me! I honestly have no idea why they offered me that scholarship because compared to all the other new team members,” He paused as tears started to well in his eyes. “I’m nothing! I’m below everyone here! I haven’t played in a single practice game for two whole weeks now!”

Akaashi opened his mouth to say something, but Bokuto had more to say.

“We didn’t get to win nationals last year because of me.” Bokuto blinked slowly, trying his best to not let any tears roll down his cheeks. “We didn’t get to win nationals because I wasn’t a good enough captain or ace. I thought I could improve now and make the rest of our old team feel better about not getting to win nationals, but nothing is working out!”

“I was your vice captain last year, Koutarou! I hold as much responsibility as you for that loss!” Akaashi cried out. Bokuto had never opened up this side to him before, and a thousand thoughts were rushing through his head. “Who cares about that anyway? What matters is that we’re both trying our best right now to be better!”

“I don’t want to just try my best, Akaashi!” Bokuto’s lip quivered as he shouted. “ I want to be the best!”

“K-Koutarou.” Akaashi didn’t expect his voice to be so quiet.

“I _need_ to be the best! I need to achieve my dreams!”

“Bokuto-san!” Akaashi cried out louder, Bokuto ignored him.

“I need to reach nationals! I need to become a pro player! I need to be the greatest ace! I need to-“

“You’re already the best to me, Bokuto-san!” Akaashi's voice cracked as he stepped forward and cupped Bokuto’s face with his hands, wiping away his tears with his thumbs. “You’re already the greatest ace and a star in my eyes! Isn’t that enough?!”

Bokuto stared at him for a moment. “It’s not enough.” His voice trembled as he slowly shook his head. He held onto Akaashi’s wrists before pulling away from him. “It can't be enough, I’m sorry.”

Akaashi was starting to hear ocean waves again. Unlike the other times, the waves he could hear were now violent, as if there was a raging storm in the middle of the ocean and he was all alone, sinking and drowning deep into the water as no one could hear his cries for help.

“S-so what do you want to do, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi’s knees felt weak, only realizing at that moment that he had been calling him by his last name as well.

Bokuto turned his heels, but Akaashi could see that his entire body was shaking terribly just like his own. “I-I just want to think about my future first.”

Akaashi bit his lower lip, blinking away tears. “Am I not part of that future?”

Bokuto balled his fists and prepared to answer, while Akaashi was starting to feel dizzy. The fierce waves in his head grew louder and louder and it seemed to have merged with his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. It was all too intense, and he could feel himself sinking even deeper, to a place where no light could ever reach.

Bokuto turned around with his face a whole mess, most likely parallel to Akaashi’s own face. He opened his mouth and finally replied, but Akaashi didn’t catch it. He couldn’t hear it because of the storm that was happening inside him— no, he chose not to hear his answer. Akaashi didn’t want to know what he said, but anyone could figure what he said with the movement of his lips.

“No. I’m sorry, Akaashi.”

Akaashi exhaled and rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. He knew there would be times that Bokuto would be selfish, that was just a part of him that he’d observed during their volleyball matches, but he didn’t know he’d be selfish like this.

“Fine.” Akaashi wasn’t sure if he said that word audibly, or if he even said it out loud at all, but the next thing he knew was that he was turning around and heading out of the gym. He could barely see anything with his tears blocking his eyesight nor could he even walk properly with his head spinning.

He turned back multiple times, praying to the universe that Bokuto would come running after him, stopping him from walking out of his life, but he never did. Akaashi even waited outside for a while, hoping to talk with Bokuto one last time, but a guard passed by and demanded to see his student ID.

Akaashi couldn’t remember what happened after that. The rest of the night was a huge blur, with the next thing that registered in his brain being him throwing himself onto his bed and shouting as loud as he could into his pillow.

That night was the last time Akaashi ever saw or spoke to Bokuto.

—

  
**2018**

Akaashi wasn’t always a morning person, but he liked it when his body clock would randomly wake him up during sunrise, always allowing himself to escape from frequent nightmares.

His nightmares didn’t consist of monsters or ghouls like an average person’s, instead it would be insanely realistic dreams. It could be about him being a high schooler again, except he’s not in Fukurodani, or it could be him getting fired from his job for not checking if Nakahara Chuuya’s dialogue had a misspelling.

His least favorite were the ones that couldn’t even be considered dreams, because they did already happen. It was as if his brain would play his memories on a projector when he’s asleep, and let him relive his most painful moments again.

Of course, they were happening much frequently ever since he saw “Bokuto” at the bus stop.

He always had regrets about their relationship, but the amount of ‘what ifs’ that popped up in his head since that day were starting to make him restless. He couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened differently if he had chatted Bokuto the next day after their break up instead of deleting his contacts, or if Akaashi had turned up at his college graduation along with Kuroo and Kenna who invited him instead of staying home and reading books.

Akaashi sighed as he rolled over to the other side of the bed. He got a queen sized bed on sale a few years back which was, in his opinion, the worst purchase he ever made. Why did he need such a big bed when he always woke up alone?

The twenty three year old lazily grabbed his phone from the nightstand and turned it on, checking to see any messages from his coworkers or friends.

His notifications were empty, which Akaashi was grateful for. He went ahead and checked how much time he had left before he had to get ready and opened his social media. He was the type of person who would post or tweet once a month but would be on the app every single day.

Akaashi swiftly scrolled through Twitter, checking to see if his coworkers were indirecting one another again, but his thumb paused on top of a retweet by Kuroo.

It was a tweet from Hinata’s account that was thanking everyone for the game they had won the night before. Attached was a selfie of him, Bokuto and Atsumu with their twitter accounts tagged. Bokuto’s big, radiant smile was the same as ever, which led to Akaashi’s thumbs magically pressing the red bell next to his username.

He always had his account on mute, just so he could keep his sanity, but it wouldn’t hurt to check it once in a while, right?

Akaashi immediately regretted his decision and the second all of Bokuto’s recent tweets popped up, which had various selfies of him and his teammates. The most liked tweet was a blurry one where all of them were in casual clothes and squished into the photo holding wine glasses, except for Atsumu who was holding a bottle of Rosé.

_We won!! Thank you for everyone’s support tonight! We’ll keep working hard! I’ll keep working hard as the world’s greatest ace!_

Akaashi’s heart skipped a beat after he read the tweet, and he hastily logged out of Twitter. He found himself breathing too quickly again, so he closed his eyes and tried to calm down, but his brain didn’t let him.

Bokuto got to achieve his dreams. He was a well known pro player that had a good chance of joining the Olympics in the upcoming years. He was now Bokuto Koutarou, MSBY’s wing spiker who spiked each and every toss of Miya Atsumu with perfection. The two of them were a great duo, but Osamu always complained about how they were just dumb and dumber when off the court.

Akaashi didn’t take volleyball seriously anymore after they broke up, and even though they reached the quarterfinals in the Nationals during his third year, he decided to never play again, rejecting offers left and right from teams and universities. There was nothing for him in volleyball as there wasn’t a glistening star to look up to anymore. Instead, it was a pitch black sky again.

There were times where Akaashi would ask himself what would’ve been different if he’d continue pursuing volleyball. He surely wouldn’t be as good as he was in high school, but he knew that the skills he developed since middle school were still in him somewhere. Would he be in a pro team? Battling against MSBY? Or would he be in MSBY with Bokuto? Would he still be able to toss to Bokuto like before? Would the two of them somehow reconcile and continue to be a great pair on the court?

Just as Akaashi was deep in thought, his phone vibrated in his clutch and the screen lit up. He thought it would be his boss texting him to come to work earlier than usual, but to his surprise, it was a high school friend.

**_Konoha_ **  
_Hey Akaashi! How have you been?! I heard you're working at Saitama now? Is it hard? I hope not! Anyway, I’m texting cause we’re planning a Fukurodani reunion next Saturday in Tokyo. This time, I think all of us are going! Come on, we haven’t seen each other in years! You know that bar near the train station? Let’s go there! You in?_

Konoha and the rest of their friends knew about their somewhat bad breakup, and did their best with it by never mentioning the two of them in the same sentence. They also let their group chat die down in the same year, but Akaashi figured it probably wasn’t intentional. They had a few get-togethers that Akaashi always went to because Yukie and Kaori would always nag at him.

Luckily, they were always incomplete with Bokuto always having a match or some of them busy with work.

Akaashi swiped up and switched to his calendar app, hoping to see some work event on the date for next Saturday, but the universe was playing with him again and gave him one free Saturday for the whole month, and it just had to be on that date.

He went back to the messaging app and reread Konoha’s text. _This time, I think all of us are going!_

Akaashi could’ve said no. He could’ve lied and said he had work that day. That was the most logical approach to the situation, but sometimes logic wasn’t enough to convince Akaashi.

It’s been five years since he last saw Bokuto in the flesh, and that vague image of the look alike at the bus stop that was stuck in his head was going to drive him insane.

_**Akaashi** _  
_Sure. What time?_

—

Tokyo was all Akaashi had when he was younger. He was born and raised there, and the only times he ever got to step foot out of his city was when there would be field trips, volleyball matches, and of course, the runaways with Bokuto.

He didn’t want to think of Tokyo as a place filled with bitter memories of him and his ex boyfriend since he did have a great time back in what Osamu would like to call BB (Before Bokuto). Sure, there were times that Akaashi’s mood would drop when he’s nearby Bokuto’s favorite restaurant or neighborhood, but other than that his heart was light whenever he went back.

Akaashi gave himself a rule as he took the bullet train to Tokyo: To not think about Bokuto until he sees him in the reunion and to absolutely, definitely, not mention the fact that he was delusional enough to believe he saw Bokuto all the way in Saitama and how he hadn’t been getting proper sleep ever since.

As Akaashi swiped his card and walked through the passageway, he took a whiff of the all too familiar scent of Tokyo that was a strange mixture of toxic car fumes, Taiyaki and random perfumes. It smelled like home.

It was around four pm, so the streets weren’t that crowded except for a few tourists and high school students. He scanned around, taking in everything of Tokyo that he had missed. He couldn’t wait to drop his things off at his house and go wandering around to his favorite restaurants and stalls again.

Akaashi then remembered the faint scent of Taiyaki from before, and immediately scanned the area to see if there was a vendor nearby selling the delicacy of Tokyo.

Unexpectedly, his eyes land on a man wearing a black cap and jeans with his hands inside his mustard yellow jacket that had the letters **MSBY** written on the back. He was standing right in the middle of the street in front of the station, as if he was waiting for someone.

Akaashi took a step back in surprise, because not only was that jacket familiar, but he could also recognize those shoulders anywhere.

The mental image of the man he saw in the bus stop of Saitama flashed before his eyes for a split second, which let him breathe easily again. It was probably just another lookalike, right?

Akaashi didn’t take his eyes off the mustard yellow jersey jacket, and it seemed the rest of his surroundings stopped completely as the man removed his cap, revealing his spiky silver-grey hair and intense, yellow eyes.

It was him. Definitely him. Bokuto Koutarou.

MSBY Black Jackal’s wing spiker and ace, Fukurodani’s ex captain, and the man who never left Akaashi’s mind.

Time continued to be frozen for Akaashi as Bokuto spotted him. Their eyes locked, and even though it had been five years since Akaashi last stared into those fascinating shades of yellow in person, he still got the same feeling in his gut. It was the kind of feeling he’d get when he would get home from high school and immediately tune in to his favorite sitcom with snacks beside him. It was the feeling of comfort.

He didn’t know how or why, but he still found comfort in Bokuto’s presence. His night sky that was dark for so long, was finally lit up again. Even if it was just a small, dim spark.

“Uh, hey.” Bokuto waved at him and gave him a small smile before walking towards him. “It’s been a long time. Nice glasses.”

“Hi.” Akaashi said softly, his knees turning into jelly with each passing second.

“I wanted to see you, so I asked Konoha if he knew what time you’d be coming back to Tokyo.” Bokuto explained, scratching the back of his head. “Do you mind if I walk you home?”

Akaashi nodded after he mumbled out an “Okay.” in case Bokuto didn’t hear him.

The two of them walked side by side as they went out to the main, busy streets of Tokyo with people everywhere and anywhere. Akaashi finally spotted the street vendor that was selling the fragrant Taiyaki, but he didn’t dare to stop walking or ask Bokuto if he wanted to eat a snack with him.

Akaashi wasn’t shocked that Bokuto still remembered the route to his neighborhood from the train station. To get to Bokuto’s neighborhood, he’d have to pass by Akaashi’s neighborhood, and Akaashi was well aware of the amount of times he'd probably traveled out of Tokyo to volleyball matches.

To Akaashi’s delight, their walk was surprisingly silent. He couldn’t tell if it was awkward or not though since a million thoughts were passing through his head each millisecond, and he was sure that if he wasn’t gripping so tight on his heavy duffel bag he would’ve collapsed from anxiousness already.

Just by taking a quick, split second glance at the other that was walking beside him, Akaashi knew that he had something to say, but probably couldn’t muster up the courage to do so.

 _Please don’t say anything._ Akaashi thought and silently prayed to whoever was up above. Bokuto meeting up with him again after years of forgetting each other’s existence was enough for him. Yes, he had always wanted closure on the two of them, but at that moment, he realized that whatever words his ex boyfriend might say would linger on him worse than their breakup.

It was a long walk, and Akaashi somewhat zoned out in the middle of it. He reminisced about the times when the two of them would walk hand in hand during their dates or at school (Akaashi didn’t want them to ever show affection to each other at school to avoid trouble, but Bokuto always bugged him). Walking next to Bokuto was so natural to him four years ago, but now it all felt foreign, like he was walking with him for the very first time.

The two of them continued to stay quiet as they walked from the bustling main roads of Tokyo to the quiet neighborhoods with cats roaming around in each path and birds in every tree.

Before he knew it, the two of them were standing right in front of Akaashi’s house. The TV in their living room was within earshot, and Akaashi knew right away his parents were watching a volleyball match together.

“We’re here.” Akaashi breathed, turning his head to Bokuto who was nervously playing with the zipper on his jacket.

“Y-Yeah.” Bokuto didn’t look up. “Uh, see you tomorrow at the reunion I guess.”

Akaashi nodded before slightly bowing his head. “Thanks for accompanying me, Bokuto-san.”

“I-I hope you have a good time catching up with your parents.” Bokuto stammered, and immediately turned away.

Akaashi turned away as well, and pushed open the front gates of his house. Was that it? His anticipated reunion with his ex was just walking around in complete silence?

Akaashi walked through the gate, and after one step in, he knew it just didn’t feel right. Yes, he was absolutely terrified of what Bokuto might say, but he knew that if he just parted ways with Bokuto like that, only more countless questions with no answers would pop up in his head.

Akaashi cleared his throat before turning around and facing the volleyball player again. “We have a lot of catching up to do ourselves, don’t we, Bokuto-san?”

Bokuto’s gaze shot up and his eyes widened in surprise. It took him a few seconds to come up with a reply. “W-we do!”

Akaashi grinned for a moment.

“I have a place in mind where we can talk, actually.” Bokuto licked his lips and tapped his foot repeatedly on the ground. “I-it’s not far, I swear!”

“It’s okay,” Akaashi assured, impressed that Bokuto even had a place in mind. “Just let me drop off my stuff first.”

“Okay,” Bokuto said softly as he exhaled. “I’ll wait here.”

—

Bokuto led the way, so Akaashi walked behind him the entire time. Neither of them talked once again unless it would be Bokuto giving him the directions of where they were going.

It wasn’t long after they reached what seemed to be a pier. When it all finally came into view, Akaashi stopped in his tracks and a quiet “Woah.” escaped his mouth.

The sky was a perfect mixture of pink, orange and purple, and Akaashi had to blink a couple of times to make sure it wasn’t all just a painting. The colors in the sky painted the rest of the area including the pavement, buildings and the ocean in front of them.

Akaashi had never seen any ocean with such marvelous colors, and the sun setting in the horizon was the cherry on top. They were the only people on the pier, which made it all more comfortable. Akaashi didn’t know what came over him, but he suddenly wasn’t tense anymore. It was as if they were in their own world once again.

It was as if they were in Osaka all over again.

“You remember, right? That crazy trip we took years ago.” Bokuto spoke up with his hands buried in his jacket’s pockets.

“How could I ever forget that day?” Akaashi sighed.

“During that trip, it felt like the world belonged to us.” Bokuto’s gaze stayed at the ocean. “I had a lot of fun, and I felt like I could live the rest of my life like that.”

Akaashi turned his head to him, and he could see Bokuto was still tense and nervous.

“But then we lost nationals. It felt horrible, and I messed up my last chance– no, I messed up the last chances of all the third years.” Bokuto’s lip quivered. “I hated that feeling, and I promised myself I never wanted to experience losing like that ever again. I guess I got so blinded by my goal I lost sight of everything else in life.”

It took awhile for Akaashi to come up with an answer. “But thanks to that, you’ve become a pro player. Your wishes came true.”

If my wishes came true, it would’ve been you. Akaashi turned his head and hid a bittersweet smile.

“Yeah I did, but that’s not important right now.” Bokuto took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“H-huh?” Akaashi’s eyes widened.

“I’m sorry about you know…” Bokuto kicked some dirt into the ocean. “Us. Being selfish and only thinking about myself.”

“It’s not entirely your fault, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi assured. “I mean, the both of us didn’t really handle the situation well at all. I blocked your number, and stuff...”

“Yeah, I was aware of that.” His lips curled into a tight smile. “I tried calling and texting you a few times, actually.”

Akaashi nodded. “Kenma mentioned that to me. See? We both have faults here.”

Bokuto exhaled, his stare never leaving the ocean. “I guess we just...didn’t work out.”

Akaashi had known that for a long time already, figuring out that the universe just decided that the two of them were not the right puzzle pieces for each other, but it hurt him more when the words came out of Bokuto’s mouth instead of his own.

“We were something, don’t you think so?” Akaashi asked.

“Yeah.” Bokuto turned his head and stared into Akaashi’s eyes for the first time in five years. “Both in and out of the court. Mind tossing to me again one day?”

Akaashi looked into Bokuto’s bright yellow eyes that cutely matched the MSBY jacket. His eyes were still as beautiful and mesmerizing, but this guy’s reaction to his gaze was different than before.

Akaashi realized that the spark between them was completely gone.

“Maybe when I don’t have work, then sure.” Akaashi answered as he broke away from Bokuto’s gaze and squatted down.

“You know, I went to your high school graduation. I was invited by Kuroo and Kenma.” Bokuto rubbed his nape. “But I arrived a little late, and you had already gone home by then.”

Akaashi was taken aback by the sudden change of topic, but he quickly composed himself again. “I thought about going to your college graduation, but then I decided not to.”

“Did you go to Kenna’s graduation? Kuroo said you did.” Bokuto asked.

“Yeah, but I left after the ceremony.”

“Seriously? I came after the ceremony.” Bokuto huffed.

Akaashi shook his head and stifled a chuckle. The universe truly was against them, wasn’t it?

The two of them fell silent again after that. Akaashi opened his mouth to say something, then he stopped himself. He opened his mouth again a second time, but no words came out.

If one thing had been different, would everything be different today? That was the only sentence that was left in Akaashi’s mind, and as much as he wanted to say it, he resisted the temptation. He knew that deep down, he already knew the answer to the question, and he didn’t want to hear it from Bokuto.

Akaashi stood up and walked around the pier, and then he stared at Bokuto from behind. The ocean was right next to them at last, but this time, he didn’t hear any kind of ocean waves anymore, be it calm or violent. All he could hear was the sound of his own breathing.

 _‘It would’ve been fun, if you could’ve been the one.’_ Akaashi thought as he stood next to Bokuto and took a glance at him before averting his gaze at the pastel rose ocean.

The two of them stayed together in the pier for almost an hour, only staring at the serene sunset and having unsaid words that their hearts refused to say out loud.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u so much for giving this a read i swear it means a lot to me !! please don't forget to leave a kudos or comment because again it would really mean a lot to me :( also i wasn't expecting myself to write anything for the rest of the year bc i always thought my brain capacity can only handle one fic a year but here we are...
> 
> i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it !! ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶ 
> 
> if u would like to scream about bokuaka or anime in general,,
> 
> twitter: [dazaimp3](https://twitter.com/dazaimp3)  
> 


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